Warning: This will surely bring up some office anxieties. But we’re all in this together.
1. You fall into one of two camps: the people who are always freezing, or the people who are constantly hot.
And you complain about it all the time.
2. You form an addiction to caffeine.
The struggle is REAL. Real jittery.
3. Your boss will IM you to come into their office, and you will assume you’re about to be fired.
4. Your co-workers will friend you on Facebook, and you will hide every trace of the person you are outside of work. Then spend the next hour combing through their photos for evidence of who they are outside of work.
It’s not logical. It. Just. IS what it IS.
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5. You develop a “work tone” when you answer the phone.
6. You will feel intense hatred toward anyone in your office who comes to work sick. Then put on your bravest “I feel great!” face when you yourself come into work sick.
7. At some horrifying point, you will hear one of your co-workers fart (or worse, poop in the bathroom!), and you’ll have to continue on with life as if nothing has changed.
Even though everything has changed. It has all changed.
8. You start using your work email as your personal email, and then worry about your workplace somehow finding out.
9. Regardless of your relationship status, you will develop a work crush.
They don’t even have to be hot, necessarily. Just so long as you can stare at their face and pretend you’re anywhere else but work.
10. You will be creeped out by someone who works in your office, and you’ll bond with other people over it.
11. You will either be the fiscally responsible adult who brings lunch to work every day, or the person who knows every takeout place by heart.
Spoiler alert: The person who answers the phone will know your order by heart too!
12. You’ll gain 5 pounds from all of the birthday cookies, cupcakes, and cake that’s floating around.
Happy and fat, embrace it. Live it.
13. You’ll “go on a diet,” which is just basically a promise that you won’t eat anymore cookies, cupcakes, or cake.
14. Your co-workers will ask why you aren’t eating the cake, clearly judging you, and you will eat the cake to stave off their contemptuous stares.
15. To spice things up, you’ll find ways to torture your fellow co-workers, and they’ll secretly love you for it.
Cage ‘em, for example.
16. You will know every single detail of your co-workers’ personal lives, whether they know it or not.
17. You’ll put one personal thing in your office drawer, and one day open it up and realize that you now live out of that drawer.
18. You will have REALLY bad days where you end up fantasizing about setting things on fire.
These will pass. Most likely.
19. Simple pleasures, like casual Fridays or free lunch Wednesdays, will make you happy to an almost irrational point.
It’s just lunch, but it means SO MUCH MORE than that.
20. You will see a piece of office humor that is borderline dad-joke territory, but you will LOL at it and surprise yourself.
You will LOL so hard, friend.
21. And you will form a group of work friends who make every day at work a whole lot more fun.
Bless you, work friends, you’re doing God’s work.